R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Your R.E.S.I.S.T.A.N.C.E.

No. 138 | By Christine Carron

In Aretha Franklin’s Respect, she uses the acronym TCB, or taking care of business. Goodjelly is about helping writers take care of business no matter the circumstances.

Even when we are in resistance. Perhaps especially when we’re in resistance, because I’m not just talking cutesy kitten wisps of resistance that can be flicked away with a single swipe of a pinky finger. I also mean  resistance of boulder-sized height and heft that looms over us in near mythic, menacing proportions, blocking us from forward momentum toward our writing dreams.

Such is the reality of any worthy, creative endeavor. We will be invited (or, ahem, slammed right into) our biggest resistance bugaboos. Take me for example. I am 14 days into 90 days of going live every day on Facebook to teach a Goodjelly concept, tool, or strategy. Why am I doing this?

It’s part of my effort to build Goodjelly as a business and to build my author platform, as I am working on a book about what I teach in the Jam Straight program. I want these tools to be accessible to as many writers as possible.

I see how powerful they are with the writers in my programs. Blocks of years, even decades, falling away. Writers moving into consistent writing flow with ease, confidence, and even delight. As one writer said, Goodjelly’s tools are now allowing her to make progress and create, once again, with “wholeness and joy.”

So, I am all in to get the word out. And these Lives absolutely qualify as part of my writing work. But, oof, actually doing them?

Resistance is Socking it to Me

If I take the lyrics to Respect and swap in resistance, I get:

R-E-S-I-S-T-A-N-C-E

Find out what it means to me

R-E-S-I-S-T-A-N-C-E

Take care, TCB, oh

A little resistance

(Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me)

Whoa, babe

So far, going live day after day has landed me smack dab in “Whoa, babe” territory. I am getting socked right left and center. Total stress-inducing. It's pretty much an I don’t wannna, my resistance cup is overflowing un-cha-cha-cha kind of experience.

Not that you will necessarily clock that if you follow Goodjelly's Facebook page. I grew up dancing and performing, so I know how to pull it together when I am “on stage.” I’m fairly confident that I am not as bad as I feel I am. And some are certainly better than others. But, regardless, here is a sample of the inner monologue that has played every time I've pressed the Go Live button:

Just do this Christine. It will be fine. Be of service. That’s the goal. Stop making it about you. No one is watching live anyway. And what is the worst that could happen? Sure, you could crash and burn and become an internet meme/laughingstock and never be able to show your face in public ever again. But hey if that happens, at least you won’t have to make anymore of the videos. Hmm, should we try to be a meme? Oh, get over yourself already. No one is watching. Press play already. Go help a writer. Be. Of. Service. DO IT! You’ve got this. DO IT! . . . NOW!

That is not in anyway an exaggeration. And, while, yes, a part of me can smile at the above, the acuteness of the worry is real and intense. The lift it takes to go live is heavy.

How am I still going live with this much stress and resistance? I’m following the same advice I give to the writers in my program: Embrace the resistance.

Let Your Resistance “Win”

Embracing your resistance is a total power move. One that takes gumption and grit. Why?

Because we are often taught that we have to ignore the resistance. Act as if it isn’t there. That if we “go there” we will be wallowing.

My experience is quite the opposite. Once I finally face the resistance with compassion and curiosity, the resistance starts to lose its hold. As the song goes, it's about finding out what that resistance “means to me.”

As long as I try to avoid the resistance, I am locked in a tug-of-war with it.

So, yes, the completely counterintuitive move (which again is why it is a power move) is to set down the rope. Let the resistance “win.” You exist. I see you. I’m not going to avoid you anymore. Let’s chat. What are you worried about? How can I make this easier for us to do this thing? Maybe even have fun with it?

When we embrace our resistance, we stop making ourselves wrong for it. This is about being kind and curious about the resistance. Giving our resistance the respect it deserves. 

That may sound odd. But I know for myself and with the writers I work with that there is always an internal logic to the resistance that makes sense in context of our personal histories. Acknowledging that is not wallowing. It’s being respectful and meeting yourself where you are.

The resistance won’t necessarily lose its potency immediately, that’s for sure. But let’s look at the data. I went from doing 0 lives—totally blocked—to doing 14 lives in a row. No matter the stress level, that’s progress.

Once you are willing to kindly and compassionately meet yourself where you are, options open to you. You can make a plan. Get support. Figure out a way to move forward, step by baby step if needed.

Walking the Talk

Even writing this post is a way for me to more fully embrace my resistance around these lives. To out myself to myself and to you about how hard doing them is. The stress level. The heavy lift. The potency of my inner monologue. 

Basically, to walk the walk that I talk.

I know when writers come into my program, and we get into the specifics of their resistance—to the charge and potency of it—that it is no small thing I am suggesting they do. To really turn, face, and own and embrace their resistance. I don’t ask writers to do tough moves that I wouldn’t do myself.

Some of us struggle with resistance to the query process. Some of us struggle with getting the words down in the first place. Some of us struggle with revisions. Or building the author platform. . . . The list is pretty much endless about where resistance might show up for us on the writing adventure.

And, yes, you want to TCB, take care of business anyway. But attempting to ignore resistance—usually with a lot of inner critic harshness—just further keeps you in polarization with that point of block, fear, and frustration.

Embracing the resistance undercuts its charge. Perhaps not immediately. But it will happen. I know if I keep doing these lives, keep meeting myself where I am, then it will get easier. And someday I will write a post of how I move beyond this thing.

Perhaps 76 days from now. Perhaps sooner. Perhaps later. No matter the actual time it takes me to get there, I am in—resistance and all—to figure this out. To reach more writers. To keep doing this thing “badly” until I do it better. But it felt important to capture the dancing with resistance when it still has massive potency, so you see the process in action.

Not just when I am on the other side.

This is a big part of taking care of business on the writing adventure. Embracing your resistance and doing the thing that scares you anyway. With power. With kindness.

So today, much respect to you and to your resistance. You’ve got this!